Music and grammar – not today, Bieber

Every morning when the alarm informs me I haven't had enough sleep, yet again, I let it run for about five minutes. Instead of the obnoxious beeping noise, the radio automatically turns on. At 5:25 a.m., the music typically provides a smooth transition into my day, but not today.

Justin Bieber's unfortunate new single "Boyfriend" has hit the airwaves.

"If I was your boyfriend, I'd never let you go," Bieber sings, forcing me to rip my alarm clock out of the wall. Over the years I've learned the importance of being a graceful morning-riser, but not today.

While Bieber's annoying voice and teeny-bopper status is enough to anger anyone, nothing makes my blood boil more than improper use of the indicative mood.

Again, Grammar Girl gives an in-depth review of "were" vs. "was." For the sake of this entry, let's keep it all Biebs.

If Bieber were your boyfriend, he'd never let you go. But he's not your boyfriend and he likely never will be, which is why he should have used "were" instead of "was."

"Were" is a subjunctive verb, reserved for hopes and dreams. This is often used after the word "if" and before "could" or "would." But irregular English is here to save the day. When a situation could be true, you can use "if I was."

If Bieber actually was your boyfriend, he wouldn't be wishing to never let you go, he would be apologizing for ruining your life.